Do You Hear That?
by Drop Your Oboe
Summary: Random events from The Princess Bride, but with your favorite Tortallan characters! CAUTION It's very very random, and you might not get it, but it's funny, so R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Kally stood at a window, watching a bunch of green-eyed guys running around screaming their heads off, and wondered what the heck was going on. Daine walked up next to her and they both looked out the window until Daine grinned, realizing what was happening.

"Do you hear that, Princess? Those are the shrieking Neals…"


	2. Gate Keys and ROUSes

Everyone suddenly ran outside after Kel, who had her griffin feathers. She grabbed the real Neal (**haha, the real Neal**) and yelled "WHY ARE YOU RUNNING AROUND SCREAMING YOUR HEAD OFF!"

"Because," explained Neal, "I lost my gate key!"

"What gate key?" said Seaver.

"My lord?" Neal said to Raoul. "Rip his arms off!"

"Oh, you mean _this_ gate key," said Seaver, giving Neal the key. Neal then skipped off happily singing about eggnog. (**AN It's regular eggnog!**)

"AHH!" yelled Daine, running outside way after everyone else. "IT'S THE R.O.U.S-ES! RUN!"

So of course everyone ran, not bothering to ask what R.O.U.S.-es were and why they should run from them. The R.O.U.S.-es were confused about why everyone was running awa from them. They were a troupe of traveling bards and actors, so, having nothing else to do, started singing and line-dancing to "Lexi the Miser."

Meanwhile, up in the library…

"Myles!" yelled Lord Wyldon. "Are moles rodents?"

"I don't know!" yelled Myles. So they began scouring the library to find a book that would tell them if moles were rodents. Music floated up to them from the yard outside, where the R.O.U.S.-es were still singing:

_Lexi the miser was a mean and greedy soul,_

_With a corn-cob pipe and a button nose and two eyes made out of coal…_

"Find anything, Myles?"

"Only this one book," shrugged Wyldon, "But I don't think it'll help."

Myles grabbed the book. It was called _Moles And Other Rodents._

AN Thank you to everyone who reviewed, I'm not going to look up all of your names just now, but thank you thank you thank you!

**Sorry if moles aren't rodents, I had no idea.**

**Oh, and I don't own any of Tamora Pierce's characters or _The Princess Bride_! Events are in no specific order. **


	3. NAFISH! and Sailing

Neal walked into a store. "Do you carry ceiling fans?" he said to the guy behind the counter.

"NAFISH NAFISH!" screamed the guy.

Meanwhile… 

Kel, Jon, Thayet, Gary, Numair, Raoul, and Alanna had decided to go sailing on the Sea of Insanity.

(_Random person: Don't you mean the _Cliffs_ of Insanity?_

_Sandy: No. I'm skipping the whole climbing-up-the-cliffs scene. Well, not all of it, but most of it. _

_Random person: Ah. Continue.)_

"Why do you keep looking behind us?" Jon asked Kel.

"To make sure that no one's following us," she answered.

"Inconceivable! There's no one following us."

"Are you sure there's no one following us?" Kel insisted.

"Yes." Jon paused. "Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

"I just thought I saw that ship back there."

"What? What ship?" Jon scrambled up to look. "It's probably some local fisherman…out for a night cruise…through chipmunk-infested waters…

"Er…Jon? Don't you mean eel-infested?"

"Who are you and what are you doing on our ship?"

"Ummmm…I don't think I actually exist. But I'm S.Morgenstern."

"Who?" Jon said.

Alanna came over and whispered in his ear. He turned pinkish. "Oh. Um. No, I meant chipmunk. It's in the script. See?" And Jon passed a handful of papers to S. Morgenstern. "So you'll have to talk to Sandy."

"Who?" S. Morgenstern said.

"I don't know," Jon replied. Alanna came over to him and smiled gently. "All right, Jon, it's time for the nice tying jackets!"

"Yay! The tying jackets!" yelled Jon excitedly. Alanna sighed and sat down on the deck next to S. Morgenstern. "Sorry about him. He may be the king, but when he gets like that, there's nothing else we can do. Can I help you?"

"I just want to know who this 'Sandy' person is, and why she's using chipmunks instead of eels."

"First of all, she already used the 'shrieking eels' scene, except it was shrieking Neals," Alanna explained. "But Neal couldn't come."

"Why not?"

"Oh, he's getting Kel a ceiling fan," Alanna told him. "Y'know, I think he likes her."

Back to the store… 

"No! A _ceiling fan_!"

"Nafish?"

"Ceiling fan!"

"Fishna!"

Neal sighed again. "See."

"See."

"Ling."

"Ling."

"Good, we're getting somewhere! Fan."

"Fan."

"Now put them together. Ce…ling…fan."

"Nafish nafish?"

"Ceiling fan!" Neal pointed to the fan.

"Yes! Nafish!"

"Can't you understand Common?" yelled Neal at the guy. Finally getting exasperated, he yelled, "Nafish!"

"Oh! A ceiling fan? You should have said that in the first place," said the guy.

_Onboard the ship_…

"So…where do you live?"

"Technically, I don't exist."

"Hey! Me neither! But in a different way."

"How's that?"

Alanna never got to explain. The ship was bumping up against some cliffs. They all stared up at the huge cliffs (with the exception of S. Morgenstern, who had seen it all before and was yawning.) It was Gary who broke the silence.

"What do we do now?"

"Climb it?" suggested a voice. Everyone turned to look at Jon.

"That's the craziest thing you've said all day," Numair said. "It just might work."

Thank you to...

NealsChick-tortallanrider-imakeladrygirl-music nerd-AugureyCry-shangmistress/Accio Flute-Lela-of-Bast

**AugureyCry:** They aren't, actually.

**The Akward One:** Yes, I've read it, and there is no "abridged version." That's the only version.

**music nerd:** Why do you say that? Was the gate key scene too obscure?

(Not that I don't like the rest of you...it's just that the other review were, mostly, "This is cool, update." Which you can't really reply to.)

Oh and thank you to Accio Flute for finding out that moles aren't rodents...to devil with normalcy. They are in Tortall!


End file.
